Observer's Notes

The ideas of a thoughtful college student (Updated Whenever)

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    I'm Brian. This is my blog. I write about things that I think about, since verbalizing it helps me put things in more concrete terms. So here you'll find my occasional thoughts.
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Posts Tagged ‘reflection’

My Cheat Sheet

Posted by Brian on June 10, 2008

I am officially done with high school. It’s been four years, and they’ve all been incredible. Obviously with the passing of such an important part of my life, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my experiences. I had a lot of trouble deciding what to write for this blog, because I just couldn’t find a good way to summarize my high school experience. The person I am today is significantly different than the person I was four years ago. I don’t think you can explain something like that in one entry on a web site, no matter how good a writer you are.

But there is one very tangible thing I’ve taken away from Gresham High School: knowledge. I’m not talking about history or math or science. I firmly believe that the most lesson of high school is how to function in real life. There are so many things that I learned in high school that weren’t taught in a classroom. So I decided that the beset way to reflect on my high school experience would be to make a written record of those lessons. They’re the most important ones I’ll ever learn.

1. People are always more important
This is definitely the most important lesson I learned. I know that because it’s the one I mostly frequently violated, so I saw all the consequences. Honestly, I owe 100% of this lesson to IB. There were times I was so busy that I felt like I didn’t have time to maintain healthy friendships. Because like a lot of important things in life, personal relationships take a lot of work to maintain. And as I explained in previous entries, when I felt that stressed out I pushed away everyone around me.

But the core of what I learned is that life is almost impossible without at least a few close friends. Those same times when I felt so busy were also the times when I most desperately needed my friends. When you’re stressed out, irritable, worried and tired, a solid support network is the most helpful thing in the world. Life is just too hard to handle alone.

Because at the end of the day, having scads of money won’t make you happy. A fast sports car might be exciting for the couple months a year you can drive it, but it won’t lend any lasting meaning to your life. I know it sounds corny, but it’s true. Useful though it may be, my full IB diploma is not going to be the key to my future happiness. It’s going to be people. So to everyone who made me more important than studying or sports, thank you.

2. Never surrender
Again, IB taught me this one. You’d think with all these things, IB is a great program. But it really taught me a lot of things in a tough way; similar to how you learn not to walk under pianos when a piano falls on your head. IB was just so damn hard that it forces you to be better. When things get that hard, it’s very easy to throw in the towel and say, “It cannot be done.”

I was very tempted to do that, more than a few times. My CAS hours come to mind. When I hit March and realized that I had done 0 of the required 50 volunteer hours, I was tempted to call it impossible and just give up. Thankfully, a few key people discouraged me from taking that route. Part of what I learned throughout high school is that impossible situations are rarely impossible; they just require you to go above and beyond what you think you’re capable of. As it turns out, we almost always underestimate just how amazing we can be. George Eliot once wrote that “necessity does the work of courage.”

You never know what you’re capable of until you’re asked to give everything you’ve got. I could have given up on my IB diploma, but I didn’t, and I’m better off for it. It’s always easier to give up than to try harder. Giving up, you have a 0% chance of success. At least when you try, you have a shot. So to everyone who pushed me when I didn’t push myself, thank you.

3. Forgive
Everybody likes to quote the phrase “To err is human.” It seems like not a lot of people remember that there’s actually a second part to that particularly axiom: “to err is human, but to forgive is divine.” That’s one of my favorite expressions. I can’t say I learned this particular lesson first-hand. Rather, it was more like second-hand. I learned just how amazing a gift forgiveness can be when it was given to me, especially when I thought I didn’t deserve it.

If you’re ever looking for a way to kill a friendship, holding a grudge would definitely be a good option. There are always two choices: forgive a person, or stay angry. Staying angry doesn’t accomplish anything, and only serves to make everyone feel worse. You only get angrier and angrier the more you think about it, and the person you’re mad at just feels worse and worse the angrier you get; forgiveness, on the other hand, brings positive feelings. I’m not saying you should act as if they did nothing wrong. But I am saying that mistakes serious to warrant completely alienating a person are once in a lifetime (if even that much).

I definitely wouldn’t be close to any of the people I’m close to today if they hadn’t forgiven me something during our relationship. For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. So to everyone who forgave me when it would have been easier to stay angry, thank you.

4. Don’t be someone else
This is a very close second for the “most important” award. I’m quite fond of how Dr. Seuss phrased it: “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr. Seuss is honestly one of the most intelligent people ever. He hit the nail on the head with this bit of wisdom: there’s no sense in not being yourself.

The way I see it, being yourself weeds out the people in life that you don’t really want around you. The people who love you for who you are also happen to be the people who will stand by you when things take a turn for the worst. They’re the ones who will forgive you when you make a mistake. They’re the ones who will put you first. In my experience, the ones who don’t appreciate you for who you really are end up being the ones who head for the hills at the first sign of trouble. Then you end up alone, right when you most need the support of others. Also, when you try to be someone that you’re not, it’s very easy to become someone you don’t want to be. There were a few times over the last 4 years when I’ve tried to impress a particular person or group by acting differently than I would have had I just been myself. 100% of the time when that happened, I ended up doing something I later regretted.

There have been so many people throughout the years who have genuinely liked me for me. It’s reassuring. Words cannot describe the effect that’s had on me and my self-confidence. So to everyone who saw through the cynicism and sarcasm, and appreciated me for who I really am, I cannot thank you enough.


And of course, there are so many more I could write about. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Brian, did you actually accomplish anything by writing this? I already knew all this stuff.” Well, so did I. But knowing that these things should be true doesn’t mean that these things will be true. Just as I sometimes forget what year Hitler seized power in Germany, I will almost definitely forget these lessons sometime in the near future. It’s human nature that the moments when these lessons are most relevant are also the moments when they will be the last things on our minds.

It’s easy to sit and write about these ideals in front of a computer, with nothing happening to make me apply these principles. No, the exam for these lessons will be much more unexpected, and much more difficult. I know I haven’t imparted any unique wisdom (everyone learns these things), nor have I created a particularly stunning piece of writing. But what I hope I have created is a gentle reminder. A “cheat sheet,” something I can look back on somewhere down the line and remember that this is how I want to live my life. I know I will screw up. We all will. I just want this to help me screw up a little bit less.


Posted in Education, Friends, Life, Time | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »